Feeling Down

 

I turned 30 on Monday, and the worst part about it? Feeling unappreciated and unloved. It felt like no one wanted to celebrate with me. None of my friends asked if I wanted to go out and do anything, even my own mother made other plans.

I spent the day with the baby, and on the phone arguing with the DMV, my first “Happy Birthday” call was after 11AM and I usually get called earlier. No one was waiting thinking that I was sleeping in as the baby always wakes up early and everyone knows it.

We did have dinner at my moms house, but we had to rush it because she had a different party to go to. No one really asked me what I wanted to do, expect my mother saying “If you don’t want to come for dinner, it is okay if James takes you out instead.” I wasn’t sure if I should have taken that as a hint that she didn’t want me to come over.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not expect a big to do about my birthday, it’s just this one was so “blah” it left me feeling like no one really cared. I have been going through a lot of stress, with being a mom and a student, and trying to get sponsors for blog giveaways, and cleaning the house, and fixing the basement, and working on my longie business, and Avon, and stressing over all of the yard work that needs to be done, plus feeling like I am too fat and trying to diet and get in some exercise, plus I do as much as I can to help other people, I always run with my mom whenever she asks. I just wish I felt more like people wanted to celebrate me, I mean 30 used to be a big number, I threw a surprise party for James when he turned 30.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband bought me a book (in large print) and my mom and brother went in together to get me a baby wrap that I really wanted, it should be here sometime next week hopefully, and I know that should be enough. But really it’s not about the presents, it is just the way that I was made to feel, with everyone being too busy, and almost like they didn’t want to celebrate with me- it really hurt. I do my best to remember important dates of my friends, and I know that my “friends” on facebook wouldn’t have remembered if it weren’t for the reminder, plus some of the people that I really thought were my friends didn’t even bother to say it.

I just wish, I felt like people appreciated me and the things that I do for them. I don’t ask for much really. I do my best not to, and I always help when I am asked, even if it is hard for me to do. I just wish the same consideration was given to me.

On the bright side, Connor was really free with the smooches that day, so I got tons. I guess if I look at it that way, nothing else really matters.