Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I’m scared.

In one hour it will be the 21st. That means Connor will be 8 months old. Where has all of the time gone? Seriously? 8 months old! Something hit me hard tonight; I am a mom! Okay, so I have realized this before, but it’s like wow, things are going good, he’s not going to magically disappear from me. I have my baby and nothing is going to go wrong. I have been afraid since I found out that I got pregnant that I was going to loose my baby. Having gone through miscarriages I just had this overwhelming feeling of fear. I tried to tell myself not to get too attached to the pregnancy because he might not make it, then when it was clear that he was fine, I freaked out because he was in the NICU, then when he came home I was constantly checking his breathing. Now, I have a happy healthy amazing baby. So now, I’m scared – I have to figure out how to be a good mother now! I have had good examples of good mothers in my life, but I am not those people, no matter how similar I might seem. I have to find a way that works for me, strike that- a way that works for us- our family.

We have started some baby sign language. We are starting out with the five recommended signs: Mommy, Daddy, dog, milk, and more. I got some hints and tips from this website: It is amazing and really helpful. We should know in a couple of months if it is working. I’m excited. It will be really cool to have another way to communicate with Connor. Seriously, do the rest of you with babies feel like your heart is going to explode every time you see them?

I just want to make sure that Connor has every opportunity in life, and that he wants for nothing. I’m not saying that I want him to be spoiled, or that he won’t have to work for anything, just that I don’t want him to feel like he missed out on something in life. That is part of why I am going back to school. I want to be able to help provide for my son. I want him to know that he is loved and that he can have the moon if he wants. He’s my boy and I love him, I just hope he will always know how much.

In other news I have 2 great giveaways coming up! I am so so excited about them! So my next piece will be a review as a sneak preview for the first giveaway! Are you excited? You should be! Both of these giveaways will be prize packages valued at over $50! I will be using rafflecopter for these giveaways and I want it to go right, so maybe I will do a mini-giveaway to make sure I know how to work the software, so my 3 current readers, you have some really good odds before this giveaway starts!

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